comedy

Overprotective Mother Series: In the Classroom

Sherry - Petite Over 40, , , , Leave a comment

By Karen Brode

Brandon, your achievement tests are at school today. I’ve been planning to visit in your classroom and this is as good as any day.

I will sit here next to Brandon if it’s okay with you, Mrs. Johnson. I want to be a part of my son’s life. I want him to grow up knowing I care. I hope I won’t be a bother! You just go ahead with whatever you were doing.

Brandon, surely you know the answer to that!  Go back and change that answer right now!

She’s on number 5 now. You’re getting behind!

Mark number 3 for that one and we’ll talk about it later.

Here, just let me have the pencil, I’ll mark the answers for you.

Why, Mrs. Johnson, I wouldn’t think of interfering with this test! I think it speaks sadly of  America when a parent’s concern and involvement is mistaken for interference, don’t you? What happened to the days when parents were encouraged to work side by side with the school for the betterment of the children?  What has happened to America?

Okay. Yes, I understand. I will just sit here and observe. You don’t have to worry about me!

By the way, I think that you are doing an excellent job of giving this test, Mrs. Johnson. I do feel that I should tell you that there were some children over on the other side of the room who were trying to cheat.

Now Brandon, look at me. I’ll whisper the answers. No, I’ll hold up my fingers. All you have to do is count the fingers!  Can you do that? No! Don’t count my thumb!

What is that, Mrs. Johnson? You didn’t have to get the principal. I would have left if you’d asked me to. Would you like me to visit some other time? No?

Well! I guess I know what I’m not wanted!

This is what happens when you try to be a good mother.

____________________________

Karen Brode grew up in Denison, TX and graduated from Denison High School in 1972.  She took courses at Southeastern Oklahoma State University and worked in a church office for 25 years.  She and her husband, Gary, have been married 39 years and they have one son, Brandon.  Karen’s hobbies are writing, sewing, and gardening.

Overprotective Mother Series: At the Park

Sherry - Petite Over 40, , , , Leave a comment

The term “helicopter mom” has only recently been in use, but overprotective moms have been around for quite a while. Our Resident Fiction Writer, Karen Brode,  switches gears from the harsh realities of Winnie and Effie to the comedic anxieties of an overprotective mother in her new series The Overprotective Mother. 

By Karen Brode

Brandon, get out on my side of the car. You know how these cars zoom past here!  You never know when you might run into a pervert so hold my hand!

You want to go to the swings first?  Okay, let’s go!

What has gotten into you, Brandon?  How many times do I have to tell you–you know you are not allowed to have your own swing until next year when you are a third grader. If you want to swing, you have to sit on my lap like always. You know the rules!

What do you mean go higher?  Surely you don’t want me to take my feet off the ground!

Brandon, I’m getting tired of all your complaining. You are a very ungrateful little boy! We might as well go to the slide. This is no fun.

Brandon, are you sure you want to do this?  That slide is awfully high. It looks kind of dangerous to me.

Okay, hold on tight.  I’ll be with you!  Don’t look down!

I’m getting kind of dizzy Brandon. Why do you want to risk your life this way? You just don’t care how much you worry me, do you?

Are you ready to slide down now? I’m not sure I can do this! I’m too scared!  It’s too far down!

Okay…okay…I’ll try. I’ll close my eyes. Hold my hand, Brandon. Here we go!

SCRREEEAAAMMM!

That is absolutely the last time I will ever get on a slide. They are just too scary. I don’t know why I let you talk me into these things.

Oh, there’s your friend, Joey! Hi Joey. No, Brandon cannot ride the merry go round. All merry go rounds are death traps, and if your mother really loved you she wouldn’t let you ride them either.

Come on Brandon. I don’t want you spending so much time with Joey. I think he is a bad influence.

Brandon, don’t ever let me catch you on the monkey bars! What if you lost your balance and fell on your throat? Your throat would swell up and cut off all your air passages. I would try to do a tracheotomy, but I really don’t know how so please don’t put me through that!

_________________________________

Karen Brode grew up in Denison, TX and graduated from Denison High School in 1972.  She took courses at Southeastern Oklahoma State University and worked in a church office for 25 years.  She and her husband, Gary, have been married 39 years and they have one son, Brandon.  Karen’s hobbies are writing, sewing, and gardening.